Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Are we still banned from the library?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
