you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
