Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
