Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize