i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
