hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
