she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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