well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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