he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am one with the molecules
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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