i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
