Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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