Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
