Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
