Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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