I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
