I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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