don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
