Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pants are for mortals
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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