everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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