I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize