listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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