so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
