Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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