She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
