I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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