kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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