can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
