Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
