It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize