You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
