I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
