I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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