im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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