I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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