So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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