I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
