Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
