census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
