we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
