About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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