life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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