On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
