oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
