I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
