and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
