sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize