I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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