i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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