She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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