Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
