hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
