Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
