It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
