You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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