so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my being single is dangerous.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
