worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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