Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
