69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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