I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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