i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
