I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
