Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize