i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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