You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
