the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
