I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
