All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
