Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
