so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Four minutes until I can fart!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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