Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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