Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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