I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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