A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
bring money and cleavage
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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