When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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