Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
