Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize