i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize