Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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