guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
