i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
