Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize