Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
