hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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