Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
