i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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