My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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