Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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